Title: A Teaspoon of Honey (Nourishment 3.6)
Author: Janet F. Caires-Lesgold
Feedback to: jfc@freeshell.org
Archive: Mailing list archives only--others please ask permission!
Category: Vignette, angst, Martha POV
Spoilers: Missing scene from "Asylum"
Rating: PG-13 for adult content
Pairing: Clark/Lex established relationship
Summary: Martha explains herself

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me. Smallville is the property of Alfred Gough, Miles Millar, Tollin-Robbins Productions, and Warner Bros. Television, and based upon characters originally created by Jerome Siegel and Joe Shuster. This story is just for the entertainment of my online friends and myself, not for any profit.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: The rest of "The Nourishment Series" can be found elsewhere in this archive - Enjoy!

DEDICATION: For Tiff, who looks out for me

COPYRIGHT: (C) Janet F. Caires-Lesgold, April 17, 2004, jfc@freeshell.org

Please don't redistribute or alter this story in any way without the express permission of the author. Thank you very much.

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Lex scares me.

I hate being irrational about this. He's just a boy, not much older than Clark, and has never hurt anyone about whom he cared, as far as I know. So why does he frighten me so, even safely locked away?

Clark spends his days mooning over his boyfriend, his mind far away as he does his chores or studies at the kitchen table. I wonder if his report card will show how distracted he's been for the past several weeks. Whenever I happen upon him in his room or his loft in the barn, he's been sitting silently, turning the shiny band, which I was surprised to note he hadn't lost, on his pinky finger. He never cries, not that I can tell, nor tells me what's bothering him, but I know he's dwelling on his friend at the expense of everything else.

It startled me to see his devotion to Lex that day he'd been hiding in the barn. I mean, I know they're in love, but it was a revelation to see Clark turn his back on us to try to help Lex. True, I don't think I believed everything that Lionel was telling us about his son, but something was obviously wrong.

Crazy people are dangerous. There. I've said it. Here I thought I was Miss Twenty-First Century, Enlightened Free-Thinking Citizen, believing that the mentally ill are people with feelings who deserve every chance they can to get better. But a little part of me can still hear my mother warning me in hushed tones about a neighbor boy she knew when she was a young girl. She couldn't tell me what he'd done to the kittens they'd found in a shed, but her eyes haunt me to this very day, dark and afraid as she cautioned me against trusting crazy people and tugged me by the hand away from the school bus full of "special kids" at the museum.

I want more than anything to reassure Clark that Lex will come out of the hospital and will be just fine someday in the future, but I can't. Even if I tell myself that he's been drugged and railroaded into treatment by his father, whom I know I cannot trust in the least, there's no way for anyone to know if Lex will ever be the same fine young man again. I ache to see how much my son hurts as the days drag on, especially since there is nothing I can do, nothing I can say to help him feel any better.

He looks so helpless, so sad and lost without the one he loves. Maybe if he got out of the house, paid attention to some of his other friends, it would break his dark mood for a few hours. He used to be pretty hung up on Lana, so maybe he could be coerced to pay a smidgen of attention to her now. They're having that party for her at the Talon--it couldn't hurt to suggest that he give it a try. Something sweet and happy might make him forget his troubles, however briefly, so that for a little while, he'd be the cheerful boy I'm starting to miss more than he must miss Lex.

Of course, I support my son's relationship with the Luthor boy, no matter what my husband says about the apple not falling far from the tree. Maybe Lex could have been a better man than his father--I certainly did everything I could to encourage him in that direction, however small. If he comes out of this, is there any hope for him to move forward with his life, to be everything he was meant to be and more?

While Lionel may be unscrupulous and downright cruel, it wouldn't surprise me to learn that everything he did to Lex was meant to guide him to grow up to be a model son. Sicken, yes; surprise, no. A parent wants everything for his or her child, at any cost. After last spring, Clark is all I have to give the future. I still try to guide him to be a good man, and I think he will be. There's just so much I cannot control for him anymore...

Never would I suggest that Clark give up on Lex, that he forget about the person who makes him happier than I ever could. But how long do I wait, hoping that he'll get past his grief and proceed with his own life, which might not include that person in the same way ever again? He may think I'm meddling, but I'm going to insist he attend that party. At least Lana is the same sweet girl she always was, and I have nothing to fear from her or from Clark's friendship with her...

...unlike Lex, who was once rational and calm and good for my son. Labels are so unfair, but there it is: Lex is crazy, and that scares me beyond all good sense.

Then again, if he were to do anything to hurt Clark, he'd need to be scared of me.

THE END