Author: Janet F. Caires-Lesgold
e-mail: jfc@freeshell.org
Feedback: Please, to the above address!
Archive: By permission only!
Rating: Strong R for language and implications of same sex interaction
Category: VHR
Spoilers: Post-ep for "Fight Club"
Timeframe: Takes place after "Fight Club", but in my "Arrows" universe
Keywords: M/K slash!
Summary: The boys work around a new obstacle.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That last scene stuck with me for some reason, and I wondered how Alex would handle Mulder's infirmity. Beware! Here there be weirdness! (...from ME? who'd'a thunk it?) If you can't make out what Mulder is saying, just grit your teeth and read it out loud! (Heck, that's how I *wrote* it!)

DISCLAIMER: These characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, and the whole X-Files gang, not to me. This story is just for the entertainment of my online friends and myself, not for any profit.

DEDICATION: For Tiff, 'cause she hated the episode so much!

COPYRIGHT: (C) May 11, 2000, Janet F. Caires-Lesgold, jfc@freeshell.org

Please don't redistribute or alter this story in any way without the express permission of the author. Thank you very much.



"Well, look who's home!"

"Allekkks? Wottr you doing on my ssssofffa?"

"Waiting for you. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Whhho let you innn?"

"I copied your key. I didn't think you'd mind..."

"Wlll, nnno, I donn't. Ey, babe. C'mere. Mmmmm-OW!"

"'Ow'? What'd I do?"

"Maybe ye'd bedder not kiss me."

"Why not?"


"Good *Lord*, Mulder! What the hell happened to you?"

"It'sss a lonnng sstory. I got caught in de mill of a fight..."

"And you got your jaw busted, and now it's wired shut."


"God, man, that's a bitch! I guess the blowjob I came for is out of the question."

"Telllme abouddit."

"How long have you gotta wear those things?"

"God aboud a month left."

"Shit! That would drive me crazy! Doesn't it freak you out? I mean, what if you have a panic attack or something?"

"Gives a whole new meaning to waking up screaming, believe me. They *did* give me some zizzers--lil wire cudders, rilly--if I think I'm gonna throw up or somethin..."

"Lovely. How the hell do you *eat* like that?"

"I take id you habben been in de kischen. Lookit dat."

"*Baby* food?"

"Yep. Juss call me de posster schild for Gerbr. Shcully ssset me up wid a lil bit of ehrything. I guesss she figgered I'd find somempn I'd like."

"Any luck so far?"

"Wlll, de prunes rr good, but wen yer mosely on a ligwid diet anyway..."


"Truss me. Iss *nod* pretty."

"I can imagine... So no solid food, huh?"

"Living on cream o' wheat and milkshakes is borring as ell. An Shcully tries hard, but ehry so offen she rilly ticks me off."

"For instance?"

"Frinstince, today we wenn out on the plaza for lunch. She got me a milkshake, but got erself an ice cream cone. It got so bad, I coonnt look at er. I mean, *watching* er tongue demolish dat thinnng..."

"Tongue envy? *That's* a new one... Did you say anything?"

"Wut could I *say*? 'Nog id off--I'm jealous'? Bsides... I shoonnt be admidding this, but..."

"What? Oh, no. You *didn't*!"

"Yeah. She's lickin it, an I'm thinkin aboud tongues and things, an I got a hard-on..."

"You *slut*... So what did you do about it?"

"Visualizing putting my dick in dat ice-cold milkshake fer awhile got the tent pole down far enough so I could walk back into the Hooher without er noticing..."



"I'm thinking..."

"Dat's *neffer* good. About wut?"

"You're starting to get a little skinny. When's the last time you had a good dose of some hot liquid protein?"

"Oh, no. You are *not* jaggin off in my mouf, Alekks."

"Awwww! Spoilsport! I could always jack off in a plastic cup and give you one of those keen bendy straws I saw on the counter..."

"Dat's diskusting. Bsides, none of my cupser clean enough to drink *wadder* out of at the moment."

"It was just a thought. Say, you've tasted your own, haven't you?"

"Scuse me if I plead the fifft."

"I *thought* so. I've got an idea..."

"Oh, brudder..."

"Is there a way I can kiss you without hurting you?"

"I think ssso... Careful... Dere. Dat worked nicely. Hab you been eating my sssunflower sseeds?"

"Yeah. They were on the coffee table and I got hungry."

"Good. Donn't wannem going ssstale."

"I didn't think you'd mind..."

"I like it. No crunsh, but some of the flavor. Kiss me again."

"Mmmmmm... Didn't need any ice cream cones for this one!"

"Guessss not. Watsh out. That zippr sstickss. Ohhhh, yeah."

"You ain't seen nothin' yet."

"Oooooh, thass good. You plannin to share when you finissh?"


"You donn't hafta... Oh, sssshit! Oh my god, Allekks... Ohhhh..."


"Keep doing it like dat. Ohhhh, yesssss... Oh, lovrr... Ohhh, geez... Oh! Yeah! Oh FFFFFFUCKKKKK! Ohhhhh, mannn... Oh, god, dat was good, babe. Wottr you doing? I ssssaid you donn't hafta... Ssswallow it yerself... Errr... Hmmmmmmmm... *Ngulp*..."


"Urgh. Uhhhmmm..."




"Ware'ss my zizzers?"



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