Title: Dark Chocolate (Nourishment 3.8)
Author: Janet F. Caires-Lesgold
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Archive: Mailing list archives only--others please ask permission!
Category: Story, romance, angst, Clark POV (so to speak)
Spoilers: A scene missing from "Whisper"
Rating: NC-17 for m/m sexual activity
Pairing: Clark/Lex established relationship
Summary: Clark uses his other senses
DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me. Smallville is the property of Alfred Gough, Miles Millar, Tollin-Robbins Productions, and Warner Bros. Television, and based upon characters originally created by Jerome Siegel and Joe Shuster. This story is just for the entertainment of my online friends and myself, not for any profit.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: The rest of "The Nourishment Series" can be found elsewhere on this archive - Enjoy!
DEDICATION: For Tiff, who gets it through words alone
COPYRIGHT: (C) Janet F. Caires-Lesgold, June 8, 2004, email@example.com
Please don't redistribute or alter this story in any way without the express permission of the author. Thank you very much.
Lex has the most amazing voice.
It can turn me on, make me happy, bring me comfort, or break my heart.
He always smells of wood-scented soap and the vague mildew of clothes stored in old closets. His touch supports me and makes me feel like I could fly. I don't think I could adequately describe his taste without blushing.
It's not that I'd never noticed these things before. Now, however, they are the only things that connect us. I hope that they are enough to make up for the fact that I cannot see his beautiful face anymore.
He just left a few minutes ago, and I'm replaying the way he sounded in my head like I would ordinarily have recollected his face, his eyes, the curve of his mouth. As soon as my parents climbed down from the loft, he sat near me on the couch and we talked about his work for awhile.
Finally, though, he removed the items beside me on the cushions (my backpack? my jacket?) and sat close and comfortable. His hand rested carefully on the back of mine for a moment, then slid nimble fingers around to hold onto it firmly. "How are you, really, Clark?" he asked softly. "Tell me."
I didn't want to tell him, but it would have been lying to say anything else. "I'm so scared..."
Squeezing my hand gently, he answered, "I'm sure you are. You have every right to be: there's a lot to be afraid of. Your life has changed significantly, and there's no way to know just how much. Let's just take it gradually for now."
His strength and patience encouraged me, so I answered with nothing more than a nod.
"You know you can ask me for anything. If not ophthalmologists, maybe some help with your homework? Are these your books?" he asked, moving slightly where he sat. I assume he poked my backpack with his toe.
"Yeah. A lot of good they'll do me now."
"I could read to you."
As stoic as I'd vowed to be, that simple offer almost made me cry. I think my voice was shaking a little when I finally answered him. "That's okay, Lex. Maybe later." What I needed was suddenly quite clear to me, as nothing else could be. "Could you hold me awhile?"
Turning toward him slightly, I was quickly enveloped in his steady grip and hugged for all I was worth. I found myself biting my quivering lip when he murmured into my ear, "We'll manage, baby. Don't give up, okay?"
With his chest pressed against mine and his hands petting my back steadily, my fears subsided a little for the first time since the accident. "Thank you, Lex. I love you."
His head smoothed back and forth against my hair like a cat would nuzzle her owner. It felt so good I might have purred, were I able. Instead, I ran my hands up the fine fabric of the back of his coat and didn't stop until I'd reached his perfect head. I explored the small nodule at the juncture of his skull and his spine, and stroked his hairless scalp tenderly. We were clutched so tightly that his chuckle vibrated against my sternum. "What are you doing?"
Freezing in place, I fumbled for words. "I... You... I wanna..."
Suddenly, he pulled away, leaving me bereft for a second until I realized that he was still holding onto me, just not as close. My hands fell away from his head and landed on his shoulders. I could feel a strange scraping over my ears that I quickly identified as my dark glasses being removed, and a moment later, warm hands held my face and a mouth kissed mine sweetly. "You can touch me anywhere, Clark," he sighed against my cheek. "You never have to ask or worry that I'll mind. Let your hands be your eyes." With that, he grasped my wrists and replaced my hands on his head. "Go on," he urged. "It's okay."
My fingertips grazed the skin of his head, which was smoother than his coat. I petted him, strengthening my associations between my lover and a cat. Trying desperately not to hurt him, I traced the shells of his ears, following their contours with my pinky fingers, assuming the others were far too large.
I grew timid as I moved forward, his scant eyebrows blocking my path as if they were barbed wire. "Shhhh," Lex hushed unnecessarily, "here." His left hand folded my right to extend my index finger, then moved it under his brow to ghost along the crease of his closed eyelid. Under the flesh that resembled tissue paper, I could feel his eye twitching, until I was held steady before him and he let his lashes barely tickle at my fingertip.
Avoiding his nose, I lay my hands on his cheeks and ran my thumbs over his lips. There it was: his scar, feeling coarse and wrong next to the softness of the rest of his skin. My finger followed my thumb, and my tongue after that, exploring and tasting and stealing inside his mouth to sample the taste of his tongue. The intimacy of my exploration had aroused me far more than I'd expected, and I kissed him deeply for longer than I could count.
Trailing the pulse in his throat, my fingers grew brave enough to run inside the collar of his shirt, then to unbutton it instinctively and warm my palm against his chest. I leaned in closer to him and ran my cheek against his, sniffing his warm scent and licking the corner of his jaw.
"Miss anything?" he asked, apparently amused by my heavy breathing.
"I don't think so," I panted, unable to leave the protecting curve of his neck.
I could feel him reach for my wrist inside the shelter of his open shirt and pull me out into the chilled air of the loft. "How about this?" he murmured, setting my hand firmly onto his crotch--his hot, taut, erect crotch.
Immediately I sat up, startled. "Lex! You--last time, you were..."
"Impotent. Yes, I was," he replied patiently. "I promised I'd get them to take me off of those meds. So I did. I've been, um, practicing until we could be together again."
The thought of my lover getting hard again, of him masturbating and thinking of me, made my mouth water. This was probably the only thing that kept me from breaking down in tears in gratitude for prayers answered.
He continued, his voice low and strained with need, "I want you so much, Clark. It's been a very long time since I've had the chance to make love to you. Let me fuck you. Please."
My hands were shaking as he held me again and kissed me hard. Nodding my acquiescence, I stretched back onto the couch, unfastening my jeans as quickly as I could.
Once more, he grasped my wrists. "Slow down, baby. I want you to feel as good as possible." I let him rest my hands on his shoulders as he urged me onto my back, pushing up on my heels as he tugged my pants off. Valuable seconds were wasted as he struggled to undo the sloppy knots I had yanked into my bootlaces that morning. My shirt was finally removed, and I found myself being thankful for the warm blanket under my naked ass. "So beautiful," he sighed, as if he didn't think I could hear him.
He must have knelt on the floor beside me, judging from the angle of his arms as he rubbed my belly and held my cock. Before I knew it, my foreskin was rolled back and a tongue lapped at the head of my penis. Wet heat surrounded me, protecting me from the cool breeze and pressing against me in all the right places. Down, down came the mouth, though I think I thrust my hips up to meet it. Sounds of ache and want poured from me, louder than they probably should have been, as I wasn't sure how far my parents had wandered.
Lex made no other noise than small slurps and the huff of breathing through his nose. His tongue cushioned me as I slid deeper in his throat, making the passage tighter and slicker all at once.
My hand searched for something to cling to, until his strong fingers intertwined with mine perfectly. With a gasp, I cried out in pleasure and came hotly inside my lover's mouth, clutching tightly at the hand in mine. I think I could feel him smile around me before he pulled off.
All I could do was shiver, only partly from the wintry air, when he let go of me and stepped away. "Good?" he asked modestly, rustles and whumps the only indication that he was getting undressed just out of reach.
"Wonderful," I croaked, though I was almost unable to move. Post-orgasmic lassitude made my limbs heavy and the couch more comfortable than it had any right to be. My arm was nearly dead weight when my hand was lifted from the floor and kissed.
I was past resisting when that arm was tugged up around a naked waist and Lex settled familiarly on top of me, fusing our mouths together at once. The hint of my own come still on his tongue, he kissed me urgently as if he were trying to distract me from his ministrations further down. However, I couldn't ignore the repositioning of my legs around his hips and his erection nudging my perineum. Slicked fingers breached my hole, and what few muscles hadn't done so already relaxed to allow them free access.
More carefully than absolutely necessary, he entered me and reclaimed the passage that belonged only to him. "I love you," he breathed over me as soon as he'd filled me completely, then backed out and plunged in again. Fingers that must have sensed the trembling of my heart caressed my chest while a gentle voice murmured things that weren't quite words.
My eyes stayed closed for no good reason, but I wished I could have seen Lex's look of concentration and desire that he always got when he fucked me. We held onto each other tightly, kissing whatever skin was closest to our lips and matching each other thrust for thrust.
Soon he was bucking into me raggedly, so I stilled beneath him and felt him come inside me for a long time. I didn't need to come again, so I just relaxed, letting my eyes open again to stare up at nothing and holding him as he collapsed onto my body. Suddenly, I found myself wishing that we could have kept fucking forever so I wouldn't have to deal with the realities of a sightless life.
Before long, he raised his head from my shoulder without moving off of me. "Sshhh," he hushed. "Don't cry."
I didn't know what he was talking about. "Lex? I'm not..."
His forehead rested against mine, whereupon I noticed just how hard he was squeezing my shoulders. "Don't..." he repeated, when I felt a hot droplet hit my cheek.
Now he had me worried. "Are you okay?" I asked.
"Fine," he blurted, perceptibly shaking himself a little. "I'll be just fine."
"Lex? What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Not a thing," he asserted weakly. "Let's get you dressed. I've gotta get back to work--sharpen a few pencils for my father."
After I was routinely cleaned up, he located my discarded clothes, only helping me put them on when I was obviously tangled in them. When he was sure I could take care of things myself, he went about putting himself back together, then came back where I stood by the window and hugged me affectionately.
"Thank you for everything, Clark. I'm sorry to leave in such a hurry."
"Something's bothering you. Even I can see that. Tell me. What's going on?"
As he held me at arm's length, I could feel him looking at me. "I shouldn't have... Look, it's not important. Do you know how much I love you?"
"Of course, Lex. I love you, too."
I was pulled in and kissed abruptly. "Always, Clark. I will always love you, with all my heart. I'll call you later, okay?"
"Sure," I answered, still puzzled as he let me go and walked away.
"Let me know if you need anything," he called from the steps, then was gone. The sound of his car driving off almost mocked me while I tried to figure out what had just happened. How could I feel so loved and so alone at the same time?
Lex has an incredible voice--I'll always have that, even if I never see him again. Now I need to determine if he just used it to tell me goodbye.
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