Title: Cookie (Nourishment 3.11)
Author: Janet F. Caires-Lesgold
Feedback to: jfc@freeshell.org
Archive: Mailing list archives only--others please ask permission!
Category: Romance, angst, Lex POV
Spoilers: Scene missing from "Obsession"
Rating: NC-17 for language and descriptions of sexual behavior
Pairing: Clark/Lex established relationship
Summary: Crumbs

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me. Smallville is the property of Alfred Gough, Miles Millar, Tollin-Robbins Productions, and Warner Bros. Television, and based upon characters originally created by Jerome Siegel and Joe Shuster. This story is just for the entertainment of my online friends and myself, not for any profit.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: The rest of "The Nourishment Series" can be found elsewhere on this archive - Enjoy!

DEDICATION: For Tiff, who hangs in there, no matter what.

COPYRIGHT: (C) Janet F. Caires-Lesgold, August 16, 2004, jfc@freeshell.org

Please don't redistribute or alter this story in any way without the express permission of the author. Thank you very much.

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Clark doesn't know what he wants.

Oh, he wants me, ordinarily, but then he showed up here today all bent out of shape about a girl, and all of his doubts showed through clearly while he told me about her. Of course I was flattered that he'd come to me for help, but this time, it was almost more than I could stand to hear his story of the pretty thing he'd met at school who had suddenly showed up in his bed.

But what else could I do? I love him, and want to help him in whatever way I can. Therefore, I gave him a little advice, making absolutely sure that the situation was as he described it, and suggesting he speak to her rationally about her sudden mad devotion.

We were half-sitting, half-leaning against the back of the couch side by side by the end of my Dear Abby impression when my curiosity over what had actually happened in his room last night finally got the better of me. "So did this girl sneak in the window, or what? Must've been quite a climber to get up to the second story!"

"Something like that," he answered, suddenly fascinated by the grain of the parquet flooring. "All I know was that I glanced at the clock, half-asleep, and then, boom! There was a hand on my shoulder!"

"And it wasn't mine," I interjected with a smile.

That got him to look me in the eye at last. "Exactly! I didn't know what to do next!"

"Did she?" I asked coyly.

"Well, she started kissing me..." At last I got the blush for which I'd been fishing.

"Had you kissed her before that?"

"No!" he insisted, ever the boy scout. "I mean, I almost did when I took her home from our date..."

"Almost?" I stopped him with a raised eyebrow. "You mean you went to kiss her and you didn't?"

Clark swallowed with embarrassment. "I thought I wanted to, and I just couldn't..."

"Oh? Why not?"

"I don't know!" he almost whined. "It just seemed like it wasn't the right time or something."

"Yet in your room late at night with your parents right down the hall, the time was right?"

"I wasn't really thinking about that then..."

"I imagine not. Now, let me get a mental picture of this," I continued, enjoying his discomfiture without my having even touched him yet. "Was she lying beside you in bed?"

"No. She was sitting..." His voice failed him, though his mouth was still moving.

"Where? Sitting beside you? Sitting in your lap?"

"Sitting... on top of me. Right on my..."

I barely refrained from licking my lips like a hungry lion. "On your cock? Sounds like a girl who knew what she was after. Were you hard by then?"

His eyes slipped shut in sweet remembered agony. "Oh, God, yes. I mean, I was just in pajama bottoms, and she had stripped down to her underwear. There's no way she couldn't have felt it."

"And could you feel her?" I asked a little more softly as I slid closer to him. He nodded silently, his breath audible and warm, so I added, "How did it feel?"

"She was so hot and wet there..."

"What did you do?"

"I didn't know what to do at first. I mean, her breasts were right there, and I could have grabbed them, or sucked them..."

"Did you want to?"

"I think so--I wanted to do something. I kept kissing her, and my hands found her hips..."

"A good start. You could have picked her up and set her right down over your--"

"Lex! Please!" he barked to cut me off. His frustration was brimming in his eyes, and I delighted in it, probably more than I should have.

"Okay--so what happened next?"

"That's when my dad opened the door, asking if I'd fallen out of bed!"

"Jesus!" I cackled, hoping that Clark didn't think I was laughing at him. "Had you been making that much noise?"

"No--I think I knocked my alarm clock onto the floor or something. We were pretty quiet, or I thought we were..."

"Damn, I wish I could have seen the look on your dad's face..."

"Oh, I don't think I'll ever forget it!" he asserted, bugging out his eyes in horror.

"I guess you won't," I chuckled with him. "And of course you were mortified. Not a good place to find yourself."

The pensive expression that took up residence on his face then was a revelation to me. "I don't know about that... It was kind of nice, I mean, before Dad busted up the party."

"Oh?" I asked, sounding tantalized while I felt my boyfriend change his spots almost before my very eyes.

"I'd fooled around in the car with Jesse that time, but I'd never been almost naked with a girl before."

"Never? Not even when you were sowing your wild oats last summer in Metropolis?"

Clark blinked and shook himself like I'd woken him up from a really good dream. "What? No, not then. Things were... weird then..." he said, as if this explained anything.

Grasping his arm gently, I apologized. "Sorry--I had just supposed... But this Alicia: do you want her?"

He didn't look at me for a moment, almost as if he couldn't. "I won't lie to you, Lex--I did. I really did, yesterday when we discovered we had so much in common, and she was nice and sweet and fun. Not so much today when she flaked out and redecorated my locker..."

I pictured the metal box lined with photos as he'd described it, then found him watching my eyes for validation. "How about last night?"

"What about last night?" he asked, quite obviously a lame stalling maneuver.

"If your dad hadn't come in, would you have fucked her?"

He grimaced as if in pain, but I suspect that it was not at the memory, but at the difficulty of saying his next words to me. "Yeah, I think I would have. Once I got over the shock of finding her there, I forgot about my dad's rule of no guests upstairs that they hadn't met. All I wanted was..." I held my breath waiting for him to finish his sentence. "I wanted to push my cock inside her until I came. I wanted that so much..." His eyes were far away, looking for opportunities lost. "I'm sorry, Lex, but I did."

My arm slipped around him, squeezing his shoulders to give him the comfort I wanted for myself. "It's okay, baby. Had I found myself in that situation, I would have wanted to do the very same thing. As a matter of fact, I think I did have a few mornings like that back in college."

Clark chuckled ruefully, accurately reflecting the jumble of emotions I felt at that moment. "I bet you at least figured out where to put your hands," he joked, then changed gears to what he really wanted to know. "Are you jealous because I told you that?"

"No, of course not," I insisted, even though my arm fell away from his broad back in the disappointment I was careful not to show on my face. "I want you to have anything that would make you happy," I lied through my teeth.

"Oh, Lex!" he crowed, turned and clapping his arms around me in an awkward hug. "Thank you so much! I was afraid of telling you what happened because I thought it might hurt your feelings. I'm so glad you're okay with this!" he practically hollered over my shoulder.

Completely at a loss for words, I covered by saying, "I love you."

"I love you, too. You're sure you're not mad?" he asked, grabbing my shoulders and pulling back a little to look at me.

"No, not mad. I guess it was bound to happen sometime. Frankly, I'm surprised you haven't needed to beat off the girls with a stick before now. But be honest with yourself: someday you're not going to be my boyfriend anymore..." The slight bitterness in my voice matched that in the back of my throat.

"What?" He looked stricken. "Of course I'm going to be your boyfriend. I love you--I'll always care about you. What are you talking about?"

Breaking away from his grasp, I stood to pace just out of his reach. "We've had a wonderful time, haven't we, Clark? I just can tell that it won't last forever. I've enjoyed myself a lot with you, and I will always love you." Disregarding his stammered attempts at interruption, I plunged on. "You're going to find the perfect girl--maybe not Lana, or Alicia, or whoever, but she will come along--and I'll be nothing more than what I hope is a happy memory for you."

Suddenly he stood up and lunged for my elbow, holding me in place. "Bullshit, Lex! My place is right here next to you. No girl could be what you are to me! I won't ever give you up for anybody else!" At once, I was spun into his arms and kissed like I'd just been saved from drowning. Gradually, I reluctantly melted into his embrace and pretended that his words were more true than mine.

Within moments, he'd coaxed me to bend over the back of my couch, pants around my ankles, then readied himself with supplies we kept in a side table and took me both desperately and tenderly to prove that we were destined to be together forever. He muttered sweet words with a shaky voice and thrust inside me like it might be the last time he'd get the chance to do so. We came within moments of each other, trembling with completion and the heavy sense of even more final endings.

We said little while he helped me clean up and straighten my clothes, but I could see that my words had started to sink in when he kissed me almost sadly. "I'll go try to talk to Alicia," he promised. "Thanks for all your help. I love you," he added, gazing earnestly into my eyes.

"I know, baby. I love you, too. Call me later and let me know how it went."

"I will," he answered, then left the way he'd arrived.

Clark thinks he knows what he wants, but I'm pretty sure he's wrong. He may believe that he won't ever fall for a woman at my expense--however, he's young and can't possibly swear that this is the last girl who will turn his head in his lifetime. He doesn't know what he wants, and I'm afraid that someday he will decide that it is no longer me.

THE END